Social Skills for Kids

New Post on Thrive on the Autism Spectrum

Please see my latest post on my new blog, Thrive on the Autism Spectrum. It's a book review of Smart but Scattered, by Peg Dawson, EdD, and Richard Guare, PhD.

Please Read My New Blog

Please check out my new blog: Thrive on the Autism Spectrum. For those of you who read Social Skills for Kids or Coach for Asperger's, this new blog is the result of combining the two into one blog. Originally, Social Skills for Kids, started in March of 2008, was aimed at the parents of kids with Asperger's, autism, ADHD and other developmental disorders. Because I started getting a lot of requests from adults on the autism spectrum, I started Coach for Asperger's about 6 months later.

Now I'm finding that many of the topics I cover apply equally well to kids and adults, and they work in both the world of school and the world of work. I thought it would be better to focus all my efforts on one uniform blog, so it's easier to find information. I've imported my original posts to Thrive on the Autism pectrum where they'll remain available. I'll also be leaving my original blogs up for a while, but my updates will go on this new blog.

Thanks for reading my blogs. Please leave comments, I love to hear from you!

Now I'm finding that many of the topics I cover apply equally well to kids and adults, and they work in both the world of school and the world of work. I thought it would be better to focus all my efforts on one uniform blog, so it's easier to find information. I've imported my original posts to Thrive on the Autism pectrum where they'll remain available. I'll also be leaving my original blogs up for a while, but my updates will go on this new blog.

Thanks for reading my blogs. Please leave comments, I love to hear from you!

Asperger’s Syndrome on the PBS Show Arthur

Note: Added 4/11/10. This blog has moved! I'll be leaving the old blog up for a while, but updated posts will be on my new blog. For more info on this topic, as well as lots of book reviews, professional and personal resources for individuals of all ages with Asperger's, autism, ADHD and ASDs, please check my new blog, Thrive on the Autism Spectrum.

Starting Monday, April 5, 2010, the PBS show Arthur is introducing a new character, Carl, who has Asperger’s Syndrome. You can read about the episode on the Autism Society website.

I don't follow Arthur regularly, so I can't comment on the program.  But, TV is an excellent way for you to open a discussion on the condition with your diagnosed child as well as his or her siblings. Asperger's is a broad spectrum and kids will have a variety or behaviors. Watching the show together then lets you talk about things like how similar Carl's behavior is to your child's, and how the kids at Carl's school treat him, compared to the kids your child goes to school with.

Thoughts on Homework

This morning I was driving past a middle school just as the kids were walking in. I think there is some kind of science project due today, because a lot of the kids, who looked like eighth graders, were carrying massive airplanes, catapults and mazes. They were beautifully built, sturdy and streamlined, and very professional. Wait a minute! Why are a bunch of 13 year olds carrying professional projects? Who built those projects? How many 13 year olds know how to saw, drill, and especially design machines like this? I suspect a lot of parents had to make these out of control projects. Is there a point to this?

Homework is a problem for so many families. I think it’s even harder for special needs families, because they’ve already got extra responsibilities, Therapy takes time, Floortime takes time, play dates take time. Then add in a bunch of worksheets and projects and there isn’t any way to manage everything.

Sadly, the research on homework and its effectiveness is not very compelling. Although some studies show it’s effective, others show that it isn’t. For something to dominate the free time of so many families, I think there really should be good evidence that it works.

Recently, the San Ramon Valley Unified PTA parenting conference showed the documentary Race to Nowhere. This film examines the pressure on today’s school kids and families. It doesn’t have a special needs focus, but it’s relevant to every family with kids in school. There are many local screenings here in the Bay Area as well as elsewhere, so it’s worth trying to find a showing.

There’s also a great blog on homework written by a Danville, CA mom, Kerry Dickinson, called East Bay Homework Blog. I just discovered it, so I haven’t read all of it, but there are excellent arguments against the mindless assignments so many kids are getting, as well as many links to other sites.

Kids need free time. Parents need free time. We all need time to relax, enjoy each other's company, have some fun. Take a look at how your family is spending their time. Is building a catapult what you'd choose to do?

The Alert Program

The Alert Program for self regulation is a wonderful tool for kids (and adults) who struggle with managing their own level of attention. Throughout the day, kids are expected to adjust to the school schedule. They have to jump into the morning bright and attentive, while still sitting quietly and listening to the teacher, then move into socializing at recess, then sit right back down, up and down, all day long. And the demands don’t end with the school day. Kids today have homework, classes, practices and activities. The pace alone can make it hard for any kid to manage, and it’s especially difficult for those kids with ADHD. (A lot of kids on the autism spectrum fall into this category as well, even if they don’t have an official ADHD diagnosis.

The Alert Program was developed by Mary Sue Williams, OTR/L and Sherry Shellenberger, OTR/L to bring together ideas from sensory integration and present them in a way that’s concrete and easy for children to utilize. It was developed for kids, but has been adapted for teens and adults, and I find it useful for almost any age client.

You can learn more about the Alert program from their website, or the book “How Does Your Engine Run?” : A Leader’s Guide to the Alert Program for Self-Regulation.

East Bay Camps for Kids with Special Needs

Note: Added 4/11/10. This blog has moved! I'll be leaving the old blog up for a while, but updated posts will be on my new blog. For more info on this topic, as well as lots of book reviews, professional and personal resources for individuals of all ages with Asperger's, autism, ADHD and ASDs, please check my new blog, Thrive on the Autism Spectrum.

My upstate New York family may be getting snowed on, but here in the Bay Area, it's spring, with daffodils and cherry blossoms, and that means it's not too early to starting thinking about summer activities for your kids. There are many summer camp programs and a lot of them are geared toward kids and teens with special needs, like autism, Asperger’s, ADHD or other social or emotional issues. Many of these programs fill up quickly, especially those for older campers and the counselor in training programs, and some camps offer a discount for early sign up. Here is a list of just a few, those I’ve heard about that might be worth checking into for your child. Please do your own research since I’m only reporting what others have told me, I’m not professionally or personally involved in any of them. And, if you are aware of other East Bay programs for the summer, please let me know. I’ll edit the post to include anything else I hear of.

Thanks to the members of eastbayautism@yahoogroups.com for your ideas. If you're ever trying to solve a problem and can’t quite come up with the right resource, this group is the place to go. Someone in this group of very helpful people always knows the answers.

Strawberry Canyon Blue Camp's Social Skills camp, on the UC Berkeley campus offers a program for kids with social skills deficits, grades 3 to 12. Younger kids are in groups with a leader, but take part in their activities along with the typical kids from the larger daycamp. For teenagers with special needs, the camp offers a counselor in training program, with focus on social skills as they relate to job skills.

Quest Camps in Alamo offers programs for campers from ages 6 to 18, with special responsibilities and programs for teen campers. They have daily activities, field trips and therapy.

Trails to Success offers their summer camp programs in Orinda. They also have a counselor in training program for teenagers.

Walnut Creek offers a summer therapeutic program through the city parks and recreation. We Care in Concord has also offered an autism summer camp, although I only found online information on the 2009 program. The Easter Seals Kaleidoscope program in Dublin offers an after school program, and I'm told they extend their schedule to longer days over the summer.

Sarah’s Science “This Land Is Your Land” camp is not designed specifically for special needs children, but the science and nature themes may be of interest to many kids. A mom told me that her son with Asperger’s really enjoyed the camp. Older campers can do more challenging projects, and there is a counselor in training program. The camp is located in San Ramon, Berkeley, and Oakland.

Tech Know How offers camps on computers, Legos and game design. Again, this camp is not designed specifically for kids with special needs, but it does match well with the interests of many kids on the spectrum, and a mom reported her child with Asperger's enjoyed it. They have locations throughout the Bay Area.

Book Review: Boy Alone: A Brother’s Memoir, by Karl Taro Greenfeld

Boy Alone is a gripping, honest, and heartbreaking story of a family caught up in trying to raise a severely autistic child in the 1960s and 70s, told from his now adult brother’s perspective. Karl Taro Greenfeld is two years older than his brother Noah, so he barely remembers life without him. Noah, who spoke for a brief period, regressed at age two and his family began a decades long struggle to find answers. It’s a journey many families go through, first that nagging doubt that something is wrong,  then searching for a diagnosis that fits, and seeking just the right treatment, one that might lead to a cure, or an improvement, or finally, sometimes, just hoping their child is safe and cared for. Through it all the Greenfelds, like most of these families, struggle to maintain hope in the face of ever multiplying disappointments. Greenfeld documents these experiences in his family with a haunting clarity.

Beyond the story of the family is a more personal memoir about a sibling’s experience. Greenfeld writes honestly from his own perspective, chronicling his childhood confusion, his adolescent resentment, and his adult despair. Through it all, he maintains what one reviewer called a “ruthless honesty”, owning the hard truths that so many books shy away from.

When I work with the siblings of special needs kids, I’m always struck by the idea of “mixed feelings”. Children love their special needs siblings, bond with them regardless of the difficulties, but too often, they’re expected, or expect themselves, to ignore the uglier aspects of the truth, the feelings of loss and grief, the rivalries, anger, embarrassment, and even hatred they may be feeling.

That’s why Boy Alone can be so valuable for parents, older teens and adult siblings. Karl Greenfeld is not the only sibling to struggle with his feelings toward a disabled brother, but he’s one of the few who is able to step back into his childhood emotions, presenting the truth about his feelings and experiences with a raw substance, even decades later. Siblings often feel very alone in what they're going through. This book can help them feel connected.

Using Television to Teach Teens Social Skills

Social skills get more subtle once kids reach high school, and that’s a time when many teens with autism, Asperger’s and ADHD really start to struggle with friends and peer relationships. Often, these kids have gone through the basic social skills training at school or in a social skills group when they were younger. By now, they want nothing more to do with a formal class, but they’re still missing out on some of the more subtle details.

I thought TV episodes might be a useful, fun way to help teens look at social signals. Although the plots of a lot of teen programs are pretty unrealistic, the situations more mature, and the conversations often more adult and introspective than teens really use, the settings are familiar, and the programs are something teens will relate to. They also tend to use body language, but in a bolder, broader way, which can be easier for teens on the spectrum to pick up on. Finally, because these scenes are online, you can watch and rewatch as many times as you want to catch the details, even muting the dialogue to shift focus to the nonverbals.

This week I’m looking at some personal space and nonverbal communication issues as illustrated by the show Glee. You can see these episodes on Hulu.com for free. Note to parents: some of you may object to the more mature themes in this program. I’ll be looking for other shows to comment on as well, but before banning the program, consider if this is something all the other kids at school are watching. Not having seen a popular show can make it hard for kids to fit in. You can watch together, and discuss issues, such as is this scenario realistic, or appropriate, or does this fit with your own values. (If you have a particular show that’s online that you’d like me to analyze, please comment here, or send me an email.)

In Glee, Season 1 Episode 9, Wheels, the show starts with scenes of cheerleading practice. Sitting alone in the bleachers is blonde Quinn, soon to be joined by tall, dark haired Finn. (If you’re new to this show, it might not be obvious from the ways they’re acting that these two are a couple.) Notice the tense body language. As Finn approaches, he doesn’t greet Quinn, he just sits down, at a distance that’s not typical for a dating couple having a one on one conversation. Quinn doesn’t turn to Finn, she doesn’t lean toward him or adjust her body posture, she barely even looks at him. Before anything is said, and without knowing anything about the plot, it’s clear that this pair is not feeling close and connected. Throughout their scene together, Quinn only turns her eyes or occasionally her face to Finn, never her shoulders or the rest of her body, a clear sign of discord between the pair.

Now look at Season 1, Episode 10, Ballad. The show starts with all the students sitting on the bleachers, spaced evenly with almost mathematical precision. (Your teen may not be aware of this spacing rule, but it’s pretty consistent in our culture. People tend to space themselves out fairly evenly, sitting closer to close friends, but not sitting next to strangers unless the space gets more crowded. Think about a movie theater. If it’s almost empty, sitting in adjacent seats is something only friends do. Strangers space themselves out. As the theater fills, it’s not threatening or inappropriate to sit next to strangers.) The exception to the Glee bleacher spacing, which may not be obvious to kids who don’t pick up on social cues, is Quinn and Finn, sitting together as a couple. Finn’s posture isn’t that different than in the previous episode, but now Quinn is leaning into Finn, almost draped on him. Clearly, she is in a different mood than the previous episode. Notice also that the rest of the students are angled slightly toward the center, indicating some cohesion, and friendship alliances can be gauged just by noting who is sitting together. When the teacher asks, “Who knows what a ballad is?” notice how Rachel immediately thrusts up her hand with too much enthusiasm. Can your child glean information about Rachel’s character from this simple action?

Well, I’ve watched about 5 minutes of TV, and written a full post on the details. What details can you and your teen pick up from body language?

Online DIR® Floortime™ Training

I’ve written on several occasions about Stanley Greenspan, M.D. and the DIR® Floortime™ program. I really like this program for several reasons. DIR® Floortime™ can be done by parents, in the home, it doesn’t have to preclude the use of other therapies, such as ABA, and it is very much a social and relational based model, which makes sense to me as a psychotherapist. Of equal value, parents can get started pretty quickly, by reading books, joining an online group, or taking courses, even if they’re waiting for a diagnosis, or in a long line waiting for services. If money is tight, parents can get training relatively inexpensively, and get started without a huge investment. The model helps parents learn to interact with their children in a more engaging manner, taking the child’s developmental level into account and gently helping the child to progress. For parents hoping to enhance their child's social skills, DIR® Floortime™ can be a great place to start.

Stanley Greenspan, M. D. is presenting the Basic Course on the DIR® Floortime™ Model online for parents and professionals, starting on March 12, 2010. I took this online course a few years ago, and really appreciated the ability to take it from home, review the materials as many times as I wanted, and the chance to see Dr. Greenspan in action with children, as well as the relatively low cost. There are also a few workshops being offers, A Lifespan Approach to Autism, Meltdowns, and Regulatory Sensory Processing Disorders.

Temple Grandin Movie on HBO: February 6, 2010

Note: Added 4/11/10. This blog has moved! I'll be leaving the old blog up for a while, but updated posts will be on my new blog. For more info on this topic, as well as lots of book reviews, professional and personal resources for individuals of all ages with Asperger's, autism, ADHD and ASDs, please check my new blog, Thrive on the Autism Spectrum.

Just a reminder, the Temple Grandin movie is premiering on February 6, 2010 on HBO. Most of my readers are familiar with Temple Grandin, PhD, perhaps the most well known autistic person in America, as well as the designer of almost half the cattle handling equipment in North America. Dr. Grandin is inspiring because of her clear presentation and writing style, as well as the way she’s learned to adapt the strengths of her diagnosis to accomplish things she probably wouldn’t have been able to if she weren’t autistic. Dr. Grandin remains a free thinker, an individual who lives a life that is meaningful for her, and expands our own vision of what a successful life can be.

For every parent who worries if their own child will ever fit in, succeed, be a contributing, happy member of society, I think the story of this woman, recommended for institutionalization as a child, can provide another path. I love stories of children succeeding beyond anyone’s hopes, and Temple Grandin is certainly one of those stories.