Coach for Asperger's

Book Review: Mozart and the Whale: An Asperger’s Love Story

Mozart and the Whale: An Asperger’s Love Story, by Jerry and Mary Newport, with Johnny Dodd, is a sometimes hilarious, often heartbreaking, but ultimately inspiring story of a couple who never really fit in, until they met each other. Jerry Newport is the author of several earlier books, and he’s been quite active in the Asperger community, even starting the support group where he met his future wife.

Both Jerry and Mary Newport relate the stories of their own difficult childhoods, growing into adults who struggle with relationships, underemployment, and social isolation. Jerry’s portrayal is engrossing for many reasons, not the least of which is his unique way of viewing the world through numbers. In spite of his mathematical genius, Jerry struggles to find a career that uses his skills in any way, and frequently has to make a living through less challenging jobs, and admits to having no concept of how to relate to women.

Mary’s story is less typical, and often truly tragic. So often, Asperger’s is thought of as a male diagnosis, and women on the spectrum are overlooked. Mary Newport, as so often happens with Asperger’s women, does manage to have relationships, although they fall into the realm of dysfunctional, often abusive, and sometimes bizarre.

The framework of the book, and the real soul that makes the story so is compelling, is the couple’s relationship, their struggles to connect and understand each other, and their commitment to support each other and grow. They often don’t fit the norms society may expect, but Mozart and the Whale is inspirational.

Continuing to Grow and Develop

Maturing and learning don’t stop at 18, whether you’re on the autism spectrum or not. As any parent of a college age student can attest, there’s a great deal of maturing that takes place after high school. As we move through adulthood, that continues to be true. I think this continued development is especially true for those with autism and Asperger’s.

Neuroplasticity, the ability of the brain to reorganize and restructure itself both physically and functionally, is now known to be possible at any age. Although young brains seem to be the most capable of gross reorganization, a growing body of research is showing that the brain continues to be plastic throughout life.

An informative, as well as entertaining and very readable, discussion of neuroplasticity and new discoveries surrounding the topic is presented in Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain, by Sharon Begley. Begley, a science writer for Newsweek, and before that, the Wall Street Journal, presents some of the new research and discoveries about neuroscience. The data is presented against the backdrop of Dharamsala, India and the 2004 Mind and Life meeting between Western researchers and the Dalai Lama. Begley explains numerous examples of how animal and human brains are impacted and changed, both in function and structurally, through our experiences, sensations and even thoughts.

The idea of a primate generating new neurons is interesting, but what does it mean in practical terms? Plenty. Right about the time I was reading Begley’s book, the 10th anniversary issue of Autism Asperger’s Digest (November/December 2009) came out. The entire issue is available online, and there are a number of interesting stories from individuals looking at their progress over the years. The one that most elegantly illustrates this idea of lifetime neuroplasticity is Temple Grandin’s The Way I See It column, "Learning Never Stops". Grandin talks about how she and others on the autism spectrum continue to learn how to communicate, behave, and expand their minds, not just as children, but throughout their lives.

When I work with young adults and college students with autism and Asperger’s, I’m continually reminded of this concept. I think parents sometimes worry that their high school age children aren’t on track for transitioning to adult independence. Certainly, in some cases, that’s true, but so often, these young adults are continuing to make rapid advances in their social skills, executive functioning and emotional management. Kids who aren’t ready for a job or college right after high school can continue to mature and learn and be ready a few years later. As Grandin and Begley both illustrate so clearly, the key to this growth is continued exposure to new experiences, new challenges and the opportunity to keep learning.

Book Review: Mother in the Middle by Sybil Lockhart

Mother in the Middle is a fascinating book, a moving and personal memoir of a woman’s experience with raising small children while at the same time caring for a parent with Alzheimer’s. But the author is also a neurobiologist, and she beautifully interweaves her own technical perspective into the work. It’s this unique juxtaposition that makes this memoir stand out from others.

Usually, I review books about careers, business, social skills or autism and Asperger’s on this blog. And this is not a book about any of those topics. But I think it’s appropriate for this blog anyway. Human development, mental illness, emotions, thoughts, behavior and personality are all controlled by our nervous systems, but we’re still at the early stages of understanding those systems. For those of us who aren’t neuroscientists, making the connection between the brain structures and human experiences can be especially difficult. This book makes those connections. Life events and biology come together clearly. The fact that the author is also a teacher makes her explanations that much clearer.

As an example, at one point in the book the author narrates an event where her mother completely forgets about an important loan she made. The memoir moves smoothly from discussing the event to describing what’s actually taking place in her mother’s changing brain. The technical explanations are beautifully balanced with the honest and insightful experiences the author and her mother are going through. The growth and development of her children's abilities contrast dramatically with her mother's declines.

I love books that combine the personal with science. Maybe that’s because I’m an engineer as well as a therapist and coach. But, I think examples help all of us understand, and true life examples can really make a technical discussion come to life. That’s what this book does so well.

Books for Asperger’s and Autism

I’ve added a new side bar to this blog, showing some of my most frequently recommended books for adults with Asperger’s or autism. You can get lots of information online, but for more in depth knowledge, a book might be the solution.

Certainly the most well autistic writer is Temple Grandin. Grandin’s strength is how clearly and personally she describes her own experiences and the creative ways in which she’s built a satisfying and successful life for herself. Grandin is willing to make her own choices about how to balance career and social issues.

If you’re new to Asperger’s, the most complete source of both general and detailed information is probably from Tony Attwood. (Much of his writing applies to autism as well.) Attwood has an easy writing style, and he covers almost any topic you can imagine. The best aspect of his writing is how thoroughly Attwood’s statements are documented. I often use Attwood’s books as a starting point to research a topic further.

Getting a diagnosis as an adult is a complicated issue since the best known measures were created for children. I often send adults to the self test in the back of Simon Baron-Cohen’s The Essential Difference. From there, you can make your own choices on further evaluation. Baron Cohen has published his research extensively and this book is both thorough and interesting.

For information on managing depression, which is very common for those on the spectrum, I recommend David Burns’ The Feeling Good Handbook. This book isn’t a substitute for professional care, but does describe in great detail a Cognitive Behavioral technique for managing depression.

The most troublesome issue for many adults on the ASD spectrum is managing sensory issues. I often send readers and clients to Zosia Zaks’ Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults. Zaks also has a full range of recommendation for everything from  daily life activities to social and romantic issues.

If you’re looking for a more specific book on Asperger’s or autism, a good starting point is the Jessica Kingsley Publisher’s website. They have an extensive list of books on many special needs topics.

Book Review: ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life

Adults with ADHD really struggle with managing the daily aspects of their lives. Those with Asperger’s and ASDs often have issues with ADHD or executive functioning as well. For all these individuals, the tips and strategies in ADD-Friendly Ways To Organize Your Life, by Judith Kolberg and Kathleen Nadeau, Ph.D. (Taylor & Francis Group, 2002) may be useful.

The book attempts to provide strategies, accompanied by what the authors term support and structures, to manage various organizational issues every adult faces. The premise of this book is that those with ADHD may not do well with the intense, detailed organizing ideas presented in many other organizing books, but that simple structures, accompanied by support from friends, family and professionals, can result in effective changes.

The book is broken down into chapters for those who are troubled with different aspects of disorganization, such as overcommitment, waiting until the last minute, dealing with clutter, and managing bills and money. For each area, a simple plan of organization is offered, although it’s probably not a lot different than that of many other systems. The ADHD twist of this book is then in adding support in the form of assistance from friends, family or professionals. Although this could be useful, it may be unrealistic to expect a friend to sit by supportively watching as an adult sorts through monthly paperwork. I wish the book had focused more on helping adults grow and shift from using the support of others to developing independent ways of functioning in the long term.

Still, in spite of these shortcomings, the book does offer many useful tips. I especially like the limit setting tips, such as for every item or activity you add to your life, first you need to subtract one item or activity that you already have. In the chapter on prioritizing, the advice calls for limiting the to do list to 5 items only, and each should be done today.

The authors also are quite clever in utilizing the creative strengths of those with ADHD. Their “muttering” filing system uses file labels such as “Why can’t I find this when I need it?” and “I have got to call these people!” They suggest cleaning the garage to organize it in the same way a hardware store would be organized.

Like most organizing systems, adults with ADHD will not find all the solutions in one place, but they may find a number of useful tips.

Reading Faces

All of us, whether on the autism spectrum or not, could do a better job of reading each other’s emotions. One obvious way is to look at facial expressions. And the expert on facial expression is Dr. Paul Ekman, a psychologist and author who has devoted his career to understanding how humans in many cultures express emotions . Ekman spent 8 years developing a facial expression coding system and studying how we express common emotions like anger, fear, sadness, happiness, surprise and disgust. He’s worked with everyone from police departments to the Dalai Lama, and is one of Time magazine’s 100 most influential people of 2009. The Fox TV show Lie to Me is based on Ekman’s work.

One of the most interesting things about Ekman’s work is that these skills can be learned. In “Emotions Revealed” Ekman uses detailed pictures of his daughter making tiny changes to her face, and explains how this results in vast differences in expression. This is backed up with news photos of people expressing the same emotions. Ekman explains how we can even generate emotions in ourselves just by moving our facial muscles. The back of the book gives a quiz on reading facial expressions, which Ekman suggests taking both before and after reading the book.

You can find more info on Paul Ekman, including extensive interviews with him, on his website.

Book Review: Asperger’s and Girls (It’s For Women with Asperger’s Too!)

Although the book Asperger’s and Girls (2006, Future Horizons) sounds like it’s aimed at children on the autistic spectrum, adult women with autism and Asperger’s will also find this book useful. The book is compiled of chapters on different topics, each written by different authors, such as Tony Attwood and Temple Grandin, as well as lesser known individuals.

As always, Tony Attwood presents interesting information, such as the fact that, although girls are less likely than boys to actually have Asperger’s (male to female about 4:1) they are even less likely be assessed for it (10:1). Couple that fact with the general under-diagnosis of adults on the spectrum, and it’s clear that there are many women with Asperger’s who may or may not have a diagnosis, and many who don’t get the support they need.

The more adults themed chapters of this book present some interesting viewpoints on relationships, marriage, motherhood, and the different challenges women on the autistic spectrum face. These chapters question the conventional ideas that everyone "should" get married or have a relationship, and the idea that all people are happier in relationships. Temple Grandin makes a brief but eloquent argument that, for many individuals on the autism spectrum, the goal of life is not emotional relatedness. She explains that for her meaningful work is what gives her life meaning and that she’s happiest when doing projects. She nicely differentiates social skills from emotional relatedness.

In my other blog, for parents of kids with special needs, Social Skills for Kids, I've reviewed the chapter on social issues and bullying. Although it's aimed at a high school crowd, the material is so clearly and logically presented, that it may be of value to adults with Asperger's and autism as well. We've all seen the bullies and cliques don't disappear after high school!

This book is a good introduction to a topic that is just starting to be explored.

Book Review: Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults, by Zosia Zaks

Zosia Zaks has written a number of insightful and informative pieces on the topics of autism and Asperger’s, and you can find some of her work on the GRASP website, as well as in Autism Asperger’s Digest magazine. Recently, I wrote about her essay on empathy in my blog Social Skills for Kids, which I write to parents of children on the autism spectrum. Her most comprehensive work to date is the book Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults (2006, Autism Asperger Publishing Co.).

Life and Love: Positive Strategies for Autistic Adults is an insider’s guide to many aspects of life on the autism spectrum. Zosia Zaks has a master’s degree in Technical Journalism, and, like many adults with Asperger’s Syndrome, was not diagnosed with Asperger’s until the age of 31. In the first half of the book, entitled, "Life", Zaks takes on concrete and straightforward topics such as the practicalities of managing sensory issues, household chores, shopping, travel and healthcare. From her insider perspective, the author gives step by step instructions and detailed tips for a number of situations, like putting together a sensory emergency kit of items such as sunglasses and headphones, or sample schedules for managing clutter and organizing the home. This is the kind of practical, step-by-step information that will be useful for those who are struggling with the details of daily life. There’s also some brief but concrete and specific advice for attaining career success, including choosing an appropriate job and managing social issues at the office.

The second half of the book, entitled, "Love", is where Zaks shows her full range as a writer and the book really comes to life. The "Love" section of the book focuses on relationships, from friendship, to dating, to committed partnerships. Zaks skillfully shifts back and forth from abstract concepts, such as falling in love, to concrete tools like defining acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. The author continues to write in a practical and useful manner, but she discusses more emotional topics, like dealing with conflict, social isolation and the very real differences of life for males and females on the autistic spectrum.

There are also sections on internet dating, relationships with non-spectrum partners, and the different levels of friendships. This section also includes extensive materials on how individuals can keep safe while interacting with others, and a discussion of the pros and cons of disclosing an autism diagnosis.

I recommend this book to those on the autism spectrum and to those who care about someone on the spectrum. The first half of the book can function as an ongoing, practical reference, almost like an instruction book for adult living. The second half is much more, something to read and consider, and a way to deepen your understanding of relationships, whether you’re on or off the autism spectrum.