Coach for Asperger's

Managing the Holidays

Holiday gatherings can be wonderful, filled with fun and family, food and laughter. But some people find the holidays more stressful than relaxing. Many individuals on the autism spectrum struggle with sensory overload, especially with extra guests in the house, loads of noise and excitement. For others, the family reunion can bring up all sort of old disappointments and hurt feelings. Everyone wants a great holiday, but you might need to take special care to make sure you have the best time possible.

Plan Time for Yourself

If you find yourself getting overloaded, it’s perfectly acceptable to step aside and spend some time alone. Go for a walk, find an empty spare room, or offer the do all the dishes by yourself. Family members may pressure you to join in the “fun” but it’s fine to say that you just need a bit of time to yourself.

Choose Your Battles

You’re an adult now. It’s OK if your family doesn’t understand you, or if you can’t convince them that you’re right. Agree to disagree. Some battles are just not worth the emotional energy. No one has to get all their needs met by their family, friends can offer support and understanding you can’t get from some of your family members.

If It’s Too Much, Go Home Early

Again, you’re not required to stay with the family on holidays. It’s your job as an adult to take care of yourself. Come late and leave early if that’s the best way for you to take care of yourself.

Look for the Bright Spots

Try to find an activity that’s enjoyable. If the long family conversation is too much, go sit at the kids’ table and be the fun adult. Or, pull out old pictures and reminisce with your sibling about funny childhood times. An older relative may have a lot of interesting memories about their youth and family and this can be a more low pressure way to connect.

Try Giving

Sometimes the best way to manage when you’re not getting what you want is to shift focus on to more positive areas. Think about all the things you’re grateful for this year. Look around and see what you can do to help out.

Above all, remember that as an adult it’s your right and responsibility to take care of yourself. Do what you need to to feel good about this holiday.

Thanks for reading this blog, and Happy Thanksgiving!

Is It Autism or Asperger’s?

It’s all over the news lately: Will the newest DSM revision, DSM-V which is expected in 2012, get rid of the Asperger’s category, merging everything into an autism spectrum disorder? There are good arguments for both sides of the debate, but you can read a very well written opinion from researcher Simon Baron-Cohen, in the New York Times, November 9, 2009.

Anger Management and Asperger’s, Part II: The Feeling of Anger

Anger management skills are important for everyone, not just those with Asperger’s and autism. But for those on the spectrum, managing anger may be especially difficult. In my post of 10/1/09, I discussed understanding anger. In today’s post, I’ll be discussing the actual physical sensation of anger.

Like all emotions, anger comes with a physical feeling. And that’s important, because often that physical feeling is the first subtle clue that the emotion is present. Many individuals experience anger as a tightness in the hands, arms, and jaw. Some people may get a stomachache or a headache. What’s of interest is how you specifically experience anger.

For many of my clients on the autism spectrum, they are more comfortable with reason and intellect, and may be less attuned to the sensations in their bodies. For those with sensory issues, the physical sensations in their bodies may be so overwhelming that they try to tune them out. Whatever the reason, disconnecting from the physical may mean that subtle, early signs of anger are not recognized.

It’s possible to re-experience all the feelings of anger just by remembering an upsetting event. This may be the perfect opportunity to tune in to your experience, without feeling as overwhelmed as when you’re actually in an angry situation. The next time you’re remembering something that made you angry, close your eyes and scan your body. Note what feels different. This is how your body reacts to anger.

Recognizing anger is an important step in managing it. Look for upcoming posts for further info on this topic.

Transitioning to Adulthood

This blog is aimed at teens and adults  with Asperger's and autism, and my other blog, Social Skills for Kids is really written for the parents of younger kids with ASDs. However, frequently the two areas overlap, and I'm not sure where to best post material. (In fact, I'm thinking about combining both blogs into one with more info.)

If you're a teen or parent of a teen, please check out my latest post on Social Skills for Kids on the importance of transition planning for the post high school years .