Coping With Shyness - Guest Blogger Sylvia Meier, MFT

Today's post about dealing with shyness was written by my colleague Sylvia Meier, MFT. Sylvia has a private psychotherapy practice in Dublin, CA, and runs groups for single women who want to develop more social skills, and to start dating. You can learn more at her website.

Although shyness and Asperger's or autism are different, they have many issues and emotions in common. In both cases, it can be stressful or even nerve-racking to step out of your comfort zone and become more social. But, for many individuals, especially those who are feeling lonely, meeting friends, or even a romantic partner, can be their goal. I thought Sylvia's advice might be helpful for these people. 

Coping with Shyness, By Sylvia Meier, MFT

There is great pressure these days to be extroverted and bubbly.  It can be a painful experience to be introverted when you want to meet people to date.  Take a few risks out of your shell and meet new people. 

Being shy has its pluses.  Many shy people I know are excellent listeners, thoughtful and great companions.  Stretch yourself without losing your sense of self.  Create opportunities to meet new people.  Stay sure about who you are and meet a partner who loves your introspection. 

Some symptoms of anxiety in social situations:
-blushing
-heart pounding
-"butterflies" in the stomach
-strong feelings of uncertainty
-difficulty carrying on a conversation

This anxiety is sometimes brought on by:
-lack of confidence
-not feeling "good enough"
-negative thoughts
-fear of the unknown
-lack of practice in social situations
-previous experiences
-unresolved conflict or trauma

Learn to relax.  When you notice that your muscles are tightening, tension is building, loosen up.  Focus on breathing and letting go of tightness. 

Try meditation or yoga.  Think of a special place that is calming for you.  Remember that quiet beach you strolled on when you were on vacation?  Do you have a memory of a secret garden from childhood?  How about that waterfall during a spring hike in the mountains?  Whatever your special place is, go there daily for several minutes.   Anchor this spot in your mind so that you can access it during stressful, social situations.

Acknowledge your anxiety.  The physiological symptoms are real.  Shy people have to work hard to manage the physical stress caused from feeling nervous..  In the beginning, it may seem like you have no control.  With practice, in time, you can learn to manage the physical reactions.

If you've made a conscious effort and you're still struggling, therapy might be worth a try.  A good therapist can help you to work through any unresolved issues that are getting in the way.